Never travel with DuPont

 Now, unlike most of my stories, this one is not of what happened at the destination(s), but is a LONG tale of the travel to there and back.  If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a hundred times.  Travel used to be a fun adventure, now…it is an endurance test.

Here was the plan:

1. Go to a week-long meeting in the US, but stop in Turkey to visit with family living there.  

2. After the meeting, go to Florida and telework for a week.

3. Go to training in Lima, Peru for a week.  

4. On the way back to Harare, I would meet our sons in Orlando and then we would fly to Turkey and they would go off to Tbilisi and I would fly back down to Zimbabwe

Perhaps this is more complicated than I think, but in my mind it is pretty straight forward….well, maybe not the easiest “straight forward,” but not the “epic quest” that it turned out to be.

  

So let's start with the first mistake - try to arrange a surprise.  I arranged tickets to stop in Istanbul to meet people only to learn right before going that they were not going to be there.  Instead, they were going back to Tbilisi to see family.  OK, not a problem.  I wouldn’t see them, but this meant that I had to collect my luggage and recheck in; whereas if I had just planned to transit through Istanbul then I would have been able to stay in the main area, go to the airport lounge and rest before my flight.  No big deal.  I’ve done this before and I can do it again.

I arrive and collect my bags and wait for the check in desks to open.  My new plan was to see if I could check in VERY early and then go to the lounge.  So it was about midnight when they opened up a counter for some other flight.  Fearing that this would not be able to check in over 12 hours early, I approached the counter…

“Hi, I know that this is a long shot, but I was wondering if I could check in very early.  My flight leaves tomorrow and I just want to use the lounge facilities now”

“Yes of course”

I can?  Hot damn! The fates have smiled down on me

Clicking on her computer. “DuPont…that is a French name, yes?”

“Um…yes, it is.  Why?”

“Just making sure…Oh! I’m sorry sir, but there is a problem.”  What? Because of a French name?  “You can’t check in now, because…you’ve already checked in”

“Huh? Wait..what?  I...I don’t think that I have.  I mean…that’s what I want to do now.  To..to check in”

“...and the system says that you missed yesterday’s flight as well”

“What?! No I didn’t.  Yesterday’s flight brought me to Istanbul…here…where I am now…in front of you.  There must be some mistake!”

“...and now you have a problem with your bag as you missed tomorrow’s flight”

“I missed tomorrow’s flight? How can that be? The flight is in 17 hours and no one has checked in yet!”

Have I fallen into a rip in the time-space continuum?  

“Sir, I’m sorry, but t you missed the flight and your bag will not arrive in Washington DC”

“What are we talking about? How can I have missed the flight that hasn’t arrived here yet and now my luggage, which is next to me, will not make it?”

“Yes sir that is correct.  You’ve missed the flight and your luggage will not be in DC with you”

Is she predicting the future or making a threat?

“What’s correct?” pulling out my itinerary and pointing to the flights “look here!  I arrived yesterday evening and will depart in 17 hours!”

“Sir, you must come back later to check in”

“To check in….for the flight that I missed”

“That is correct sir”

“OK…whatever” Turning on my heels, I rolled my eyes and mumbled “see you yesterday!” and I walked off trying to make sense of the surreal conversation.  

As I walked away, I popped a piece of gum into my mouth and that is when I learned a little tidbit about myself.  Apparently, I literally cannot walk and chew gum at the same time.  I bit my tongue so hard that a fountain of blood came shooting out of my mouth.  When I say “fountain” I do not use this word lightly.  This was not a “hmm…I taste blood in my mouth” No, no!  This was like a scene from a Stephen King novel of blood gushing through my hand covering my mouth and onto the floor.

I then ran to the bathroom and continued to re-enact the Istanbul one-man act of “The Exorcist” bleeding profusely over a sink.  I’m not exactly sure how long I stood there bleeding into the sink, but long enough to become three shades more pale.  A few minutes later of bleeding into the sink, I stood there like Dracula’s dimwitted cousin - pale, dark circles around the eyes, bloody mouth and a swollen tongue that change my speech to “blah, blah, blah” 

I decided it was best to find a place to lay down (before I would pass out) and wait for my check in and flight.   

So, a few hours later I fly from Frankfurt to Istanbul and when we arrived there is an announcement that the flight to DC is leaving in a few minutes.  Making the mad dash through the airport, I get to the gate and jump in line to board and my boarding pass sets off the alarm to go through.  I’m told to talk to the desk.

“Hello sir, according to system…you missed your flight”

“WHAT?!  That can’t be!  I’m supposed to be on this flight!” once again pulling out the itinerary and pointing to the flight information “see!  Right here, THIS is my flight!”

“Sir, your ticket was for a flight that departed hours ago.  You were issued the wrong ticket”

Do you think so?!

“Yes, apparently so” I exclaim

“Well, I can try to get you on this flight….”

“The flight that I was originally supposed to be on!”

“....but your luggage may not make it”

That woman in Istanbul must have been Nostradamus!

“OK, whatever, just put me on this flight and I will worry about the luggage later”

And so she did and I flew to DC mentally preparing myself for the luggage claim ticket, etc.

I stood by the luggage carousel and watched all the bags go round and round until only a few were left…but none were mine.  A bit disheartened, but not terribly surprised, I went to the luggage claim line where someone before me was arguing with the woman behind the counter.  When they finally left, I began my tale of woe, when all of the sudden..my bad magically appeared riding the baggage carousel!  The fates haven’t left me hanging!  My bag arrived.

Went to the conference.  Check the box for DC…now to Orlando Florida. 

Before arriving, I made a reservation to rent a car from the airport to save myself time and trouble.  I collect my bag and go to the car rental office.  Who then tells me that I am at the wrong office and that I need to cross the airport to get to the counter.  OK…no problem…until I begin to fill out the forms.

One of the questions that they ask is whether or not you would like to pay extra for insurance.  Already paying a lot for the car, I was a bit hesitant to keep paying more, so I begin to ask the agent behind the counter about

“So do I really need to pay extra for insurance?”

“Insurance is required sir”

This is plausible as I don’t know all the latest on Florida driving laws, but I look at the form and it says “Insurance - optional”

“Required? Really?  Well…oh, if it is required why does it say that insurance is optional?”

“Yes sir, that is correct”

“What is correct? You just said that it is required, but this says optional”

“Correct sir.  It is required…if you want it”

“Wait” I said putting the form down, “what do you mean? It can’t be “required:” and “optional”  The two words are diametrically opposed to each other.  There is no middle-ground here.”

“Yes sir”

“Sooo…what is it then? Required or optional?”

“It is required sir”

“But only as an option?”

“correct”

“Ok, whatever.  I’ll take it” Fearing that driving in my state of mind now may not be the best idea “so should I ask you where the car is as well?”

“What sir?”

“Are you going to tell me that it is left AND right from here?”

“I’m sorry sir, I don’t understand”

“Welcome to my world” and I left to find the car on my own.

Teleworked the week in Florida.  Check the box.

Now it is time to leave to go to training in Peru.  So I woke up early and drove to Orlando.  I turn in the car and go to the American Airlines counters to check in.  When I finally approach the counter, I hand my passport and documents to the woman behind the counter who informs me

“I’m sorry sir, but the plane has been delayed and you will miss your connecting flight in Miami”

Silence followed as I waited for her to continue.  Finally I break the silence

“Yessss..but you will make arrangements for me to be on another flight there…correct?”

Sighing and rolling her eyes “I will see what I can do” clicking away at the computer she asks

“DuPont…are you French?”

“What?”

“Your last name is DuPont. Are you French?”

Again with this?  

Looking at the American passport in her hand “um…you tell me.  Do I get a discount?”

Continuing to click at her computer, she finally says “Ok, we can put you on Copa Airlines, but you will have to go through Panama.  Is this acceptable?”

“Panama? Uhm…ok, as long as I get to Peru.”

“Just go to them, give them this reservation and they can take care of you”

“OK, Where is Copa Airlines?”

“On the opposite side of the airport sir”

If you’ve never been to the Orlando airport at full peak, while dragging a heavy bag and backpack, while in a rush… the sentence “opposite side of the airport” takes on a whole new meaning.

So I dragged my luggage to Copa Airlines.  Stand in line sweating and finally make it up to the counter and give them the paperwork that American Airlines gave me.

“Sir this is for American Airlines, not Copa” she said pushing the papers back

“I know, but you see their flight was delayed and they booked me on Copa now”

“What? Again?!” She asked loudly as though accusing me “They always do this to us!  It isn’t right!  You are not in the system and we are overbooked as it is because they keep sending people over to us!”

“Oh wow! I’m sorry to hear this, but what can I do?  I need to get to Peru”

“Well you are not going on Copa!  Go back to American and they can deal with you!”

So I went back across the airport to American Airlines.  Wait in line until the same woman saw me

“What are you doing here?!” 

“Copa sent me back.  They said that they are overbooked because American keeps sending people their way and they couldn’t find me in their system”

“They lie.  I know I put you in the system”

“Well, they said that they couldn’t take me and that American would have to make arrangements”

Exasperated sigh “Fine.  Let me see what I can find.”  Clicking on the computer “Ok, I have put you on Avianca, but you have to go through Columbia”

“Honestly, as long as I get to Peru then I’ll be happy. Where is the Avianca desk?”

Yep, you guessed it!  Avianca is across the airport NEXT TO COPA!

So I went to Avianca. Waited in line, got to the desk and explained the situation and they began to frantically work on getting a boarding pass.  And then ask

“Do you have your visa for Columbia?”

“Visa?! No I don’t have a VISA!” I responded rather indignantly “I didn’t know that I was even going to Columbia until 45 minutes ago!”

“Oh you need a transit visa!”

“Well how do I get a transit visa?”

“You can get the e-visa online”  which we did through my phone. 

So they check in my luggage and hand me my documents 

“OK senor, here is the boarding pass to Columbia!  Adios”

“Great, but where is the boarding pass to Peru?”

“Oh, we don’t know if there will be a flight to Peru.  So when you get to Bogata, you need to go to the desk and see if there will be a flight and if there is room on it and they will see if they can get you on it”

NO flight to Peru?!  IF they can get me on a flight?!  What is going on?!  I have a one way ticket to Bogata?!  What? Am I being deported?!!

Now it’s not that I have anything against Columbia. I imagine it is a wonderful country and would love to visit it more properly in the future, but being sent there with a one-way ticket, a smile and a handshake is really not the way I wanted to go.  Yet…I go anyway.

Thankfully, there was a flight to Peru and my time in Bogata was only a few hours.  Interestingly enough…no one asked or checked for my transit visa….hmmm….Regardless…

Training in Peru done. Check the box

Uneventful flight to Orlando, spent the weekend with the boys.  Check the box

Sounds like it is getting better, doesn’t it?  Wait for it…wait for it….

Our time comes to go, we board the shuttle and are taken to the United desks and hand the person behind the counter our documents.

“Oh sir, you are at the wrong counter.  You need to go to Alaska Airlines”

Alaska Airlines?!  

“Um..ok, but we are flying to Frankfurt, Germany.  Why Alaska Airlines? It’s not on our itinerary”

“That’s what the system says sir.  Perhaps they are code sharing for the flight”

“Huh? Well, ok…where is their counter?”

“I don’t know.  I think it is over there” pointing to the far end of the building

We walk down there and there is no Alaska Airlines to be found, but since we are going to Frankfurt, another airport official directs to go to the Lufthansa check in.  Thus, begins the next leg of the travel saga…

There is NO Lufthansa check in to be found.  We searched from one end to another.  No Lufthansa desk, but we were eventually directed to go downstairs where we were told to wait in a line for…Eurowings (?)

As the young lady behind the counter is processing our tickets, she explains that COVID merged a lot of the European airlines together to form Eurowings.  When done, she hands us the boarding pass to Frankfurt, but then says that we have to collect the bags and the new boarding pass to Istanbul in Frankfurt.  See where this leading?

The flight to Frankfurt was delayed and when we departed the plane an airport representative told us to go to the transit desk.  Now for references, let me provide you with some additional information.  First of all, Frankfurt airport is large and a labyrinth of corridors.  Locations and places to go are not well marked.  Second, there are strikes going on and after COVID airports are VERY short staffed and are hiring new immigrant arrivals who command of English (admittedly their third or forth language) may not be the best; especially with various accents. Now add us into this mixture.

The transit desk had ONE person to serve 40 clients!  We waited over 2 hours to talk to her.  In fact, we actually heard when they announced that our flight had departed…without us.  When we finally made it to the counter; she looks at our itinerary

“Oh sir, you’ve missed your flight”

“Yes, I know.  We’ve been waiting in this line for over 2 hours.”

“You need to get on the next flight to Istanbul”

“Correct.  That’s why we are still here.  We need you to put us on the next flight”

“Why didn’t you just go to the gate?”

“Well…first of all we were told in Orlando and then at the gate they told us to come here.  Second, we don’t know if we need the boarding pass to go through another security check”

“Oh I see” and began to click on her computer

45 minutes later….

“Are you French?”

Am I having these problems because everyone thinks that we’re French?

“Nooo…why?” 

“DuPont is a French name…Sir, I cannot put you on the next flight to Istanbul”

“Why not?” through grinding teeth

“Because your boys are not registering in our system”

“What does that mean?”

“It means that you need to contact United about this”

“I can’t.  What can YOU do to put us on a flight?

“Nothing.  Perhaps you Turkish Airlines can assist”

“Where is the Turkish Airlines desk?”

“In the main gallery - past passport control”

[sigh] “fine”  and we left

We march through passport control convinced that we would be back in about 30 minutes, found the Turkish Airline desk and ran up to the counter to explain our situation.  The woman behind the counter was so confused that she went to the manager, who promptly came out of her office and yelled

“YOU ARE NOT IN THE SYSTEM!  WE CLOSE IN 15 MINUTES! GO AWAY!”

Amazed, shocked and angry we just stood there.  Finally, another employee said for us to go to Lufthansa as we should have been originally with them from Orlando (as our itinerary stated).   

So we go to the Lufthansa line, wait for 30 minutes and then explain to the man behind the counter the problem.  He then says

“This is a Turkish Airline problem.  You need to go to them”

“We can’t.  First they told us that we were not in the system.  Second, we were told to “go away” and thirdly, they left for the day”

“What?!  Ok, let me see what I can do” and begins clicking on his computer.

He then produces three reservations and all we need to go is go to the electronic kiosk and retrieve the boarding passes.  Great!

We go over and the boys get theirs.  So they were in the system after all! And I…don’t get mine.  I tried several times and every time I was denied.  I went back to Lufthansa, waited in line trying to get the attention of the man behind the counter.  He then produces another reservation for me.  Again at the kiosk denied.  Third time back to Lufthansa and he tells me that now I am not in the system(!) and they cannot produce a boarding pass for me.  So…we missed that flight and the next flight is the next morning.  Well, now we have time to collect the bags.

We slept on benches that night and at 04:00 wait for Turkish Airlines to open up again to a) get tickets and b) collect the luggage that was there.  When they did finally open the gate, we explain the situation again to the people behind the counter 

Once again they explained that since they did not leave the day before without me and bag that I would need to buy them new tickets - and that time was ticking.  Plus, I needed to buy new tickets for them and that I should talk to Lufthansa about my ticket situation as they (Turkish Airlines) could not find me in the system either!  So completely frustrated, I bought the boys new  tickets and told them that they will travel with or without the bag. 

We then went downstairs to arrive at the baggage claim area, which was closed.  We then asked the police how to get in and there is a button on the wall to contact someone to let you in the maze of doors and corridors to get into the back entrance of the baggage claim hall, which is freaking scary when abandoned.  And that is the point…it was abandoned.  No one and no bags there.  So I sent the boys off to Istanbul and Tbilisi and went back to look for the bags.  

This time, no one answered the buzzer when I rang them so I found ways to “sneak” into the area and start searching around again.  I eventually find the room where the bags are kept and find the boys’ bag there!  I collected it and brought it to Turkish Airlines and they said that they will take care of it.  Yeah because they’ve done such a good job up to this point

So now back to my ticket….remember that I am not in the system which means that I and the Turkish Airline representative went back and forth between Turkish Airlines and Lufthansa 7 TIMES to get my ticket.   Finally, it is done and I can go.

Done, right?  Not quite…

As I check in to fly to Nairobi, Kenya on the way to Harare, they tell me that I will need to collect my bag in Nairobi.  

“Ok sir, here is your boarding pass.  Please remember to collect your bag in Nairobi”

“What?! Why?  Why don’t you just check the bag in all the way to Harare?!”

“Because you have one ticket to Nairobi on Turkish Airlines and a different ticket from Nairobi to Harare on Kenyan Airlines”

Now this is where I have a choice.  Do I a) stand and argue about this and take the risk of missing yet another flight or b) accept my fate and figuratively “bend over and take it for the team” - I choose “b” and rush to go through passport control to get to Istanbul and then Kenya.

In Istanbul, I contact my office and tell them that I am indeed on my way, but will have to collect my bag in Kenya.  Our travel representative then asks me if I have a Kenyan visa that will allow me to go out and collect my bag!  GGGRRRRR!!!  Having no time to deal with this on my way to the plan, I planned to just explain the situation once I arrived in Nairobi. 

The airport in Nairobi is…interesting.  FIrst, you are escorted to what looks like a hanger structure and then one can go to the passport line (which I did not for obvious reasons) or upstairs to transit.  Now, normally I may have had issues with that, but because the security guard at the x-ray machine was asleep, I and the other passengers simply walked around the equipment not to set it off or wake him up.  I then walked to the proper airport and looked for the transit desk for my new boarding pass.  

Since it was so early in the morning though, transit was closed so I decided to see if I could get an e-visa.  I could! Well…kinda.  I tried to apply online through my phone, including taking a selfie in front of a white wall and everything, but my application did not go through.  

The transit desk finally opens and I unload my tale of woe and suffering on the young man behind the counter and ask that they check to see that my bag was coming with me.  He checks his computer and says that it is, BUT that I should come back in 30 minutes to verify it once more.  I think he said that because he knew that he would not be there in 30 minutes - as he wasn’t, but a young woman was there instead who also checked and confirmed that indeed my bag was on the plane to Harare!

It wasn’t

I arrived in Harare, but the bag did not.  In fact, while I was filing a lost bag claim at the airport, I received a message from my sons that made it to Tbilisi saying that MY BAG arrived there, but theirs did not.  To date, we are still trying to track down their bag as it makes it’s worldwide tour.

So what is the moral to this story?  First,  NEVER TRAVEL WITH DUPONT