Who did you see today?

Hey everyone...once again my attempt to get back to blogging has begun. 

So, I arrived back from Afghanistan a few weeks ago and almost immediately, my wife and I began to capitalize on the end of canning season and have been running back and forth to the bazaar, buying fruit and vegetables, cleaning, peeling, steaming, stirring, etc. etc. etc. But this post isn't about canning (that will be a later post). Instead, this is what happened yesterday with a theme of existence.

Let me back up a bit and tell you that while I was in Afghanistan this last time, my wife tells me in a chat that she heard from our niece Alina that a lawyer friend we had passed away.  Honestly, although this was horrible news this wasn't terribly surprising. He was older and had recently lost a lot of weight suddenly- so we all were thinking that something was wrong and were preparing ourselves for this as it was coming eventually.

Fast forward to yesterday - yesterday evening to be exact. I'm running to the bazaar to buy some fruit and vegetables - plums, zucchini, bell peppers for some recipes my wife was preparing when all of the sudden I pass the supposedly "dead" lawyer.

I stopped dead in my tracks.  "Oh my God!" I thought with a shocked look of astonishment on my face.  He sees me and stops to have a chat.  Admittedly, the conversation was a little halted at first.  I mean, while it was great to see him - and see him alive - this was one of the last people I expected to see and I didn't want to open with "What are you doing here? There's a rumor going around that you're dead" so  I mostly stood there blinking with mouth agape while he was trying to ask me about the situation in Kabul. 

After an awkward two minute conversation, he goes on his way wondering if I was suffering from some sort of PTSD and had lost the power of intelligible speech.  Of course, we all know that I was never capable of intelligible speech, so this shouldn't have been too much of a shock for him.   Regardless, I went to the bazaar to buy groceries while thinking about telling me wife who I saw.

After about a half an hour, I come home with the groceries and hand them to my wife.
"Here is  zucchini"  I start
"Thank you - how many kilos?"
"over five.  It was cheaper per kilo if I bought what he had left." Handing her the next bag "Here are the plums you asked for.  We have plenty, so use as many as you want for compote and the rest can be eaten"
"Did you get the peppers?"
"No, I didn't see any peppers there, but I did see something of interest."
"What did you see?" obviously disappointed that there were no bell peppers.
"Not "what," but "who" - I saw Yuri!"
"Yuri?  Yuri who?"
"Yuri...the lawyer!  You know, the one that you said died a few months ago"
"Yuri? You saw Yuri?  What do you mean you saw him?"
"I mean, I was going to the bazaar and there he was on the street"
"On the street? What was he doing?"
"Just lying there dead...What do you think he was doing?  He was coming from the bazaar going somewhere"
"He's alive? Are you sure?"
"Am I "sure" he's alive? Yeah, I'm pretty sure that I know the difference between the living and the deceased"
"No, I mean maybe it was someone who just looked like him"
"No, no! It was him! I spoke to him!"
"You spoke to him?" She repeats dubiously "are you positive about this?"
"Look, it wasn't like the dream sequence from "Fiddler on the roof."  I'm telling you I actually spoke with him."
"Ok, ok, you spoke with him. So what did he say?" she asks still questioning the validity of my claim.
"Well, he said that death wasn't so much fun, but not that much different from practicing law...what do you think he said? He said "hello, how are you? How was Kabul? That I should stop by for a chat, etc"
"That was it?"
"You were expecting some sort of prophetic foretelling from the afterlife?  What's wrong with you?  What should he say? We had small talk on the street."
"He's supposed to be dead"
"Well...."supposed to be" is a little strong.  I mean, he is alive and well and honestly, I wouldn't want him to change his current plans of living for us..."
"I mean, Alina told me he was dead."
"Apparently she was wrong"
"Well, I wouldn't say "wrong"..."
"You wouldn't?  Considering that "alive" is the exact opposite of "dead" with little wiggle room in between on our existence and the fact that Yuri is walking down the street with groceries...I feel fairly confident in saying that she was "wrong" on this matter."
"I meant that maybe she just misunderstood"
"Oh no! Not "maybe" - she definitely misunderstood"
"Ok, so you made your point.  She was wrong and he is alive.  What are you trying to say?"
"I'm just saying that before we go around saying that people are dead that maybe we should check with them first"

And with that I went to the garage to collect more jars to continue canning.

R/R part 2

PART II

So we were off to Bangkok and had a “lovely” 12 hour layover in Doha airport in Qatar.  Taking advantage of the time, I quickly got on Wi-Fi to look for a hotel (since I hadn’t made that arrangement before we left) and after a quick search I found a perfect hotel on an island off the coast.  It seemed like it might be a bit hard to get to as we would have to leave our bags in Bangkok, take a local airline, go to the southern city Surat Thani , spend the night and then take the bus and ferry to the island.  Honestly, I really didn’t want to spend the night there, but thought if that is the only option…then c’est la vie dans la grande ville.  Of course the important thing was that everything was all was set now, so I could relax.

It basically went according to plan.  We arrived in Bangkok, grabbed a quick bite to eat, dropped off the bags, bought tickets and went to our gate and boarded the plane.  Simple, no problem, just the way it should be.

Forty minutes later we arrived at Surat Thani and I step out of the doors and a young man runs up to me and says:

“Koh pha-ngan?”

Bewildered and a bit on guard “Sorry?”

“You go Koh pha-ngan?”

The island “Koh pha-ngan” where the hotel is?!  My God!  How did he know?

“Why yes!  Yes we are going to Koh pha-ngan!  How did you know?”

“The bus to ferry leave in few minutes.  You want to go?”

“What? The bus?  I thought the bus would leave tomorrow…but it’s here now?  Well, how much does a ticket cost? “

“Bus and ferry to island - $15 USD per person”

“Really?  That’s great!  Sign us up!”

And so he did. 

It was while waiting for the bus that we really got our first taste of the Thai countryside…and it was wet.  You see, it was grey and drizzling all day and not the best weather to sightsee, but honestly, I didn’t care.  We were there and that is all that mattered.  Beautiful Thailand.  The land of smiles. Paradise on earth.  What could go wrong?

“I can’t believe that we made it in time, what luck!”  I exclaimed to my wife who was looking to rest on the bus. “I thought for sure we would have to stay in this town for a day, but now we go straight to the island!” and before I knew it, the bus came and we were off. 

After a two hour trip through the countryside, we arrive at the port and boarded a ferry that looked as though it had seen better days…like from before World War II, but then again, this was going to be an adventure – no need for comfort here!  And that is exactly what we got – absolutely no comfort. 

Remember how I said it was drizzly and rather rainy when we left the airport?  Well, I suppose it is important to point out now that evidently this was onset of the monsoon season (oops! My bad in planning).   Thus, the weather grew increasingly worse as the rain clouds covered the sky and it appeared that nightfall descended on us faster than normal – like we fell into some sort of temporal black hole.  Of course, not only was it dark, but now the waves (again the waves!), the wind, and the rain had picked up, making sailing out to the island on an old, dirty ferry far more exciting and nauseating than I had planned for. 

Happily, the ferry remained afloat for the entire trip and surprisingly, it did have electricity….to watch 2-3 hours Thai soap operas, which I tried watched intermitted when not watching the 50 or so yelling schoolchildren run all over the ferry, or looking out the windows to watch the storm grow closer and closer.  Granted, all I could see out the windows was blackness and water beat against the glass as the ferry slowly made its way through the choppy waves.  Well, the hungrier you become the better the meal tastes I thought to myself. Soon we’ll be there and I can just crash on the bed, as for now the best thing to do was to lean my head back, close my eyes and try not to breath in the vapors of burning diesel fuel that flooded the cabin and fight off the growing sense of nausea. 

“Sir, you want chips?”

Wearily opening my eyes to see some nice young man selling various snacks “hhmm? No, no thank you. We’re not hungry”

“Sir, you want drink?”

“No, we’re not thirsty”

“Sir, you want hotel?”

“No, we have hotel. We’re all set.  We don’t need any assistance thank you.”

“Sir, you want tour?”

Temper beginning to boil

“Look mate, no food, no drink, no hotel and no tour.  We’re all set.  I have this covered” I almost yelled.

Now I understand that the poor boy was just trying to make an honest dollar, but after all, this was NOT the first time I had traveled abroad, I did come prepared and I was probably smarter than I looked.  After shooing him away, I tried to assume my “don’t disturb me” position in the chair and hoped we would make it here soon.

We finally arrived at 10 pm on the island and let me tell you, we were beat.  I couldn’t wait to get to the hotel and practically hugged the first taxi driver we saw.  We were off the smelly boat, we were safe, and we on our way to the hotel.

“Take us to Hotel Laguna” I told him as I looked where to toss our bags.

“Where?”

“Hotel Laguna” I repeated slowly, thinking that my accent was a bit strong to understand.

“Where is it?”

You’re asking me? Dude!  You work on the island!

Thinking that he was just trying to test me to see if we would take the long way or the short way to the hotel, I replied “Look man, it’s like 5 minutes from the port.  The hotel manager told me so.  Do I need to call him for you?”

“Please do”

Ok, he’s going to try and drag this out…

So I called, and passed the phone to the driver.  After some chatter and laughter he hands the phone back and says words forever burned into my brain…

“Wrong island”

It was, as my friend Amy said to me when she had a similar experience, like in the cartoons when a bag of bricks just drops on you.

As my eyes widened, jaw slightly dropped and the imaginary movie camera zooms up on my face as the blood rushes to and from my head, all I could manage was

“Uh….what?”

“You wrong island” he says still smiling

“I wrong island? I no wrong island.  I right island” I insisted

“No, you wrong island”

“Wait…what island is this?” I asked

“Koh pha-ngan”

“Koh pha-ngan?  But that is the right island!” I exclaimed

“No, wrong island”

Looking in confused disbelief at the driver, I then remembered the phone in my hand and asked the hotel manager through awful connection

“Where are we?”

“You Koh pha-ngan”

“OK, good.  Where are you?”

“Koh pha-ngan”

“so we’re on the same island”

“no, no.  You wrong island”

Oh my head hurts.  This was becoming a really bad and confusing dream.  Its 10 o’clock at night, we don’t have a hotel and I’m arguing with a taxi driver and the hotel manager about the island that we were on, but we weren’t on.  

I then explain to my wife the situation, who promptly shoots me the “dude! Really?  Wrong island?” look.

“WHAT?!!”  I exclaimed “It’s not my fault!  We’re ON Koh pha-ngan!  We must be on the right island. He’s wrong!  Not me!”

“Well, what do we do now?” she asks

“We go to town, take the first hotel and then tomorrow I will find this hotel and sort this all out.”  HA!  Trick me will they?!  We’ll just see about that!  And I grabbed our bags and started to march into town, cursing and swearing the entire way.

“Koh pha-ngan?  This IS Koh pha-ngan!!” I practically screamed “Freakin’ Koh pha-ngan – the island on which we are on!”

Now what was truly interesting was the fact that on the main street of this tourist island there were many little hotels and hostels and not one of them was open. 

What the hell sort of tourist island is this? Nothing is open, no one on the street, what is going on?! Could it be that we were not on Koh pha-ngan?  No! I couldn’t be wrong about this! We were!  The boy at the airport sold us tickets to Koh pha-ngan! I believed him

Well, we marched down the central street until we found some small souvenir shop open and walked in to inquire about a hotel.

“Excuse me, I have a strange question for you, but where are we?”

The man puts down his newspaper and stared at me with the same “dude, really?” look that my wife did.

“I mean, what island is this?” I asked with desperation rising in my voice.

“Why it’s Koh pha-…”

“Now look” I interrupted “I’ll break your arm if you tell me Koh pha-ngan!  Our hotel is suppose to be on Koh pha-ngan and everyone keeps telling us that THIS is Koh pha-ngan, but that they can’t give directions to the hotel because we are not on Koh pha-ngan!  This cannot be Koh pha-ngan, but it must be Koh pha-ngan”

“What island do you want?” calmly putting his newspaper down

“Huh?”

“Do you want Koh pha-ngan or Koh Pha-nga?”

Now learning that there was a similar sounding island out there, I began to sense that a bucket of ice cold reality was about to be poured over me.

“Uh…let’s say I wanted Koh Pha-nga…where is that?”

“In Andaman Sea” (west coast of Thailand)

“well….for fun….where are we?”

“In Gulf of Thailand” (east cost of Thailand the complete opposite end of the country)

“so if we wanted to go to Koh Pha-nga…we would need to….”

“you need to take ferry back to mainland, take bus to airport, take new bus to other port and then take new ferry to Koh Pha-nga” he explained pointing to a map on the desk.

“So the hotel I booked is really on Koh Pha-nga, which means that…”

“Yeah, you on wrong island” he replied nonchalantly opening his newspaper and reading it again.

Cursing and swearing to self

“Well, ok, is there a hotel near here?”

“Don’t know.  You try there” he said pointing across the street to a closed store

“That’s a store.  Do you mean that there is a hotel above it?”

“no – you go behind store”

“Through…the JUNGLE?” I asked incredulously “You’re joking”

“No joke”

Now for those of you that have never had the distinct pleasure of explaining to your spouse or significant other that not only are you on the wrong island and thus, completely lost, but now you have to have them hike through the jungle at 10:45 at night in search of a hotel that may or may not exist – let me just tell you... it isn’t fun.  But being “daddy’s little trooper” and well, having no other choice really…we began to trek through the jungle towards the coast.  The entire way I kept thinking that the saddest part if we die here is that no one would find us as even we really don’t know what bloody island it is.

We eventually came across a little hotel that was open and negotiated with the clerk for a small bungalow – and what a bungalow it was!

The best bungalow!

A Siamese in Siam

Bamboo floors, glass front wall, small patio, cable, Wi-Fi, breakfast on the beach, mirage pool, massages….baby! This was the best mistake I ever made!  Nothing like having breakfast on the beach, grabbing a couple beers and wade out into the water, lounge on a sandbar, taking a swim and make your way back to have a fabulous Thai street food. 

The food.  Let me tell you about the food. The food was fabulous.  I mean…just…fabulous.  In fact, it was so good that we had dinner twice at the same place on the same night.  It was just AMAZING!  By coincidence we stumbled up a midnight food bazaar where they sold everything from sashimi and fresh grilled fish to pad thai and fried chicken – I could have died there and been happy. 

Sashimi sample

Now, we are mad for sashimi – no, seriously, both my wife and I will eat until we are ill from gorging ourselves on the stuff.  So when we saw the sashimi cart, we made beeline for it. 

“How much per piece?” I asked as my eyes began to glaze over from the assortment.  I was afraid to stand too close for fear of drooling on the fish.  The price ended up being the equivalent of 5 cents per piece.

“What the hell” I exclaimed “I’ll buy the cart!”  I almost wanted to yell “Sashimi for everyone,” but that would mean that we would have to share it and we weren’t going to do that.

After the meal, my wife announced that she would like grilled fish and chose the largest fish there to be cooked for her.

“Fish?  You want to eat more now? You CAN eat more now?”

“heavens no!  How gauche! That would look awful in front of everyone” she replied “I’m going to take it back to the hotel”

“You’re going to eat that enormous fish in the room? You’ll never finish it before we leave tomorrow”

“Then we’ll eat in the airport tomorrow”

“I’m not going to bring a fish and eat it in the airport” (this was a LARGE fish) “we’ll look ridiculous”

“No you won’t and it will be good”

“No, I refuse.  I’m not doing going to lug this thing around.  End of discussion.”

That being my final word, the next day I found myself hunched over in my seat in the airport eating the fish that I swore I wouldn’t bring.  Occasionally I would look up a bewildered passerby and growl “What?  WHAT?!  Yeah, you!  You gotta problem?” with fish spitting out of my mouth and let me tell you that six year-old girl never bothered us again.

By the time we arrived back in Bangkok, we looked like we had swum from the island and then crawled to the airport. Messed up hair, rumpled shorts, t-shirts and dirty backpacks…and then I launched my surprise of the trip…I arranged a trip to the Marriott for 3 days of doing…nothing except shopping and lounging.   

You see, my wife had no idea of this (hence that’s why it’s called a “surprise”) and thought that we would just be backpacking.  So when we took a hotel from the airport, she had no idea where we were going and slowly became more and more upset with the long drive thinking that the taxi driver was trying to rip us off.  In fact, she almost told him to stop the car thinking that he was just driving in circles.  I, on the other hand, was constantly trying to stifle my smile as I imagined how relieved she would be to kick back and relax in a 5 star hotel.  

When we arrived at the Marriott, she looks over and says

“What are we doing here?  This bastard must be on some sort of commission from the hotel” and then proceeds to tell him to take us out of the parking lot.

“No wait!” I yelled, fumbling in my pockets to find cash to pay the driver so he could leave before feeling the wrath of my angry and confused wife. “Let’s just check it out and see what it is like inside”

When we walked in, it was like a scene from the movies.  We were greeted by four bellhops and the concierge who handed us champagne.

“Come this way Mr. and Mrs. DuPont.  So glad you could be staying with us” escorting us to the VIP desk “We’re so sorry, but the room you booked is unavailable now so we moved you to a suite.  For your inconvenience we are sending up fruit and chocolates now.”  I was thrilled as I watched my wife stand there, a bit dumbfounded, as she tried to understand what was going on.

Now the suite itself was also from the movies.  Giant automated tinting windows that made up the two of the walls, a bed that could sleep eight people, bathtub with Jacuzzi, etc. Truly far beyond what I expected. 

As we walked, I paused in the hallway with a big grin on my face as my wife turned around with a face of stone and an icy glare that pierced through my heart, into my soul and out my spine.  I would have turned and ran, except that there was a bellboy in my way.

“Why didn’t you tell me that we were coming to a place like this?!!” she hissed at me

Hmm…not the reaction I was anticipating…

“well….uh…..I thought that this would be a nice surprise” I managed to spit out with a bewildered look on my face

“Do you see how OTHER people are dressed?  Do you see how WE are dressed?  If I had known that we were coming here I would have dressed better and packed better clothes”

“Yeah, but see that is showing them that people like us can enjoy the same things as they can” I tried to explain; evidently thinking that I was trying to champion some sort of class warfare.

“what do you NOT understand?” as she squinted her eyes in disbelief.

Needless to say, I was unable to convince her of my need to make a social statement and after a long bath, some shopping and evening out, we thoroughly enjoyed those last days in paradise.  

If you haven’t been, you need to go.  If you have been, you need to go back.  And when you do go…you probably will want to know the island you go to, but then again, in Thailand - everything is paradise.