So I was on a mission the other day. A clear day. Blue skies, light breeze, sunny and hot. The patrol meets before we load up and gives the briefing
“ok guys, we’re going to this area today to see some projects. We’ve never had a problem reported….until a couple of days ago. Yeah, there was some kinetic activity there”
Kinetic activity? What’s this about?
“Now you guys got to keep a sharp lookout. Be smart and stay safe”
Hmm…not what I wanted to hear before leaving for a mission, per se, but ok
Then the captain pulls me aside and explains a bit more of the situation….
“Yeah, you see, the village that we are going to…may not be too happy to see us”
“Uh…pardon me?”
“Well the last time we were there the villagers were very unhappy with the way that some work was being done and they were complaining pretty strongly. In fact, we couldn't even get up the way to see all the work.”
“Sooo….let me see if I understand this correctly. We are going to a remote and possibly hostile village in an area that has recently had kinetic activity?”
“Pretty much, yeah. Suit up!”
Oh what a beautiful morning! Oh what a beautiful day! If I even smell danger, how will I get away?
So as we drove, I tried to mentally prepare myself for a potential angry mob and all before coffee. Not an easy task mind you. Ideas and questions began to collect and shape my thoughts as I tried to anticipate what could happen. What to say? What to do? Be apologetic? Be forceful and “in your face”? Be dismissive (“talk to the hand”)? Well, just never show fear and weakness! Strength and stability!
By the time we stopped I was well prepared. Gritting teeth, jutting jaw, dark glasses, helmet and body armor - very "GI JOE". Grrrr..I have arrived! But as we jumped out of the vehicle, the only people there were the contractors for the first project that we were looking at. The project was coming along well, but I was still expecting to see villagers. Then the captain points out into the distance at a village uphill
“See that village there? Not the one closest to us, but the next further one. That’s where we need to walk to”
“Ok, no worries…uh…walk?”
“Yeah, the vehicles stay here and we walk there”
“Um…ok”
Now I should point out that the second village that the captain was referring to was a little over a kilometer from we were. Oh yeah…it was uphill on a gravel and dusty road. It was sunny. We were wearing 40 pounds of body armor. Let’s rock!
The hike up was interrupted with wheezing and gasps for air. The captain paused with hands on knees
“Whoo! Did I mention that it was kind of a hike?”
Spitting dust from my mouth “no, it must have slipped your mind” (gasping for air)
We eventually stagger up to the village only for the captain to look around and realize that it wasn’t THIS village, but the next one, a kilometer up the road that we had to get to.
“You’re joking, right?” I asked
“No sorry about that. They all look so similar”
“Yeah except that some look really tiny because they are so far away up and uphill”
So we march on and as we did I realize that conversations tend to fade out when all you can hear is the blood rushing to your head and your temples throbbing. But we made it. And then were greeted by the villagers. Ok, here it comes….
The villagers were...incredibly friendly, but surprised to see us. Taking a minute or five to catch our breaths, the captain inquires to where the village elder/leader that we needed to meet was.
“OH! he is in Kabul now.”
Oh nice! The one guy we hike 2 kilometers up a mountain for isn’t even here.
“Uh...ok, how about the second guy in charge? Is there someone else who can answer some questions for us?”
Asking a question like that in Afghanistan is like asking a room full of Irishmen “who wants a drink?” EVERYONE about trips over themselves to answer questions and did so. We eventually identified the man who was the next one in charge and tried to inquire about the problems the villages were facing. He looked at us with a curious expression on his face and explains that there are no problems and takes us on a tour of the village to look at all the good work that they have been doing.
This is where I give the captain my “did we go to the right village?” look. Don’t get me wrong, this was a very pleasant and nice surprise, but not the “kinetic activity and angry mob” scenario that we were expecting. Well, all is well here, so let’s be going back to the…oh, what’s this? The man would like to chat a bit and show us some more projects a little more up the road? Hmmm…ok, how far away is it?
ONE MORE KILOMETER UPHILL!!
During this next little walk, the captain panting alongside me asks
“So how do you feel?”
“I think that the only reason my heart isn’t going to explode is because this stupid body armor is keeping it inside me.”
“Well, I think we’re almost there”
“Great! Do you think they have an oxygen tank up there as well?”
And as we made our way up the path, we passed various little villages, cows and donkeys. What was so interesting though was how healthy and well cared for they looked. In fact, these animals look better cared for than we did and I’m convinced that one donkey turned his head away from us and giggled.
“This is as far as we can go” says one of the elders reaching the end of the road “the road is not as good”
What? Not as good as the gravel “slip and slide” that we’ve been on? How is that possible? Well, if anyone needs me, I’ll be here on the side of the cliff spitting up blood
And so I as I stood there gasping for air and wiping sweat from my brow and the tears from eyes, I scanned the valley and it was…magnificent. Really it was. Plants were growing, a stream of cold mountain water was cutting its way through the earth only to be diverted off here and there for irrigation and small hydro generation plants, children in little black and white uniforms were walking down the paths to school. Overall, it was peaceful, quiet, and over my own wheezing I could make out the old elder laughing and joking with a soldier and asking if he could shoot the M20 or through a grenade down the valley. Why, looking around this ideal setting I was thinking that the walk up would have been nice….well, endurable…without the body armor. And then...
“BOOM!” An explosion went off in the distance
What the…where did that come from?
The soldier froze and quickly scanned the area. Other soldiers immediately put their gun scopes to get a better look at the surrounding hills.
Mental note to self: do not stand in front of soldier with a gun when you hear an explosion
“BOOM!” another explosion
Where are these explosions? I don’t see the smoke. Are they shooting at us?
“BOOM!” a third one
Who the hell cares if they’re shooting at us! Let’s get the flock out of Dodge!
“Ok, everyone back to the vehicles now” a soldier politely, yet firmly ordered. He made have said some other things as well, but by then I was already well on my way.
Now normally I’m sure hiking and slipping down a gravel path wearing the body armor would have been just as tedious and strenuous as going up, but I can tell you that with an explosion sounding adrenaline rush going through your body, it actually becomes quite light.
Meanwhile, the elders and villagers are trying to keep up with us and keep chatting away.
My God! Are these people so desensitized that they don’t even care if there are explosions around them?
Instead, we sprinted and “chatted” about school conditions, medical clinics, policing, communities, etc. as though nothing fazed them.
Well, after our little power walk to the vehicles, we bid farewell to the elder who made it all the way down, he told us he would meet us at a different project and jumped into a Toyota Corolla and sped off. As we climbed back into our armored vehicle, the captain (panting) asks
“So what did you think?”
“What do I think?” (wheeze, pant) “Well, let me summarize this for you. You’ve just taken me for 3 kilometer 45 degree angle hike through the mountains of Afghanistan, wearing 40 pounds of body armor in the blazing sun to learn that the villagers were very friendly, yet very confused to see me. (pant, gulp) Then have to “double time it” down 3 kilometers of gravely mountain road because some idiot decides to set off explosives. (long exhale) Now, my hips feel like someone tried to yank them out of their sockets over my shoulders and we have to go to some more meetings and I look and smell like I’ve been sleeping with the local livestock. Personally, I think that this is some sort of hazing that you do on the civilians.”
“No, no, I mean, what did you learn from the trip?”
“Oh you mean aside from the fact that I learned that I have the lung capacity of a chain smoking 4 year old child?”
Ok, so aside from my learning of my personal endurance limit, the trip was really informative on many levels and it was great that I went. In fact, I kept learning things even after we returned to base on the way to dinner that night. The captain and I were limping along to the dining facility and talking about the explosions and says to me
“You know what those were, don’t you?”
Not wanting to demonstrate my lack of ballistic knowledge…“I assume rockets….or landmines”
“No, that was the school bell”
Stop. Blink. Stare
“What? The SCHOOL BELL? Are you kidding me?” (Actually I had some more colorful adjectives in those questions)
“No. Seriously. At the second stop, when the guy who jumped into the Toyota came, he explained to me that because the villages are spread throughout the valley and people don’t have clocks, this was the system they used to tell the children to come to school. This is why they were all so calm and couldn’t understand why we were in such a hurry to get away from there.”
Well, there is a nice little fun fact. I guess you do learn something new every day.
No comments:
Post a Comment