SS666

Anyone remember the “snowball effect” from high school psychology classes?  The one where you whisper a message to one person and they whisper it to another, and then they to another and so on and so on until you come to the final person in class who usually has a completely different message.  It was a good, fun, and valuable lesson.  One that they really need to start teaching abroad. 

In 2004, I was at a wedding of a friend in Yerevan, Armenia.  I was seated at a reception table next to a US Embassy official that I knew and during our conversation she relates to me a story of something that recently had happened in Armenia.

USAID was working on a project that would issue social security cards to the citizens of Armenia.  The exact same sort of system that we have in the United States.  Although a seemingly very basic and simple idea (issuing numbers for identification and tax purposes), a very difficult and complex project in terms of logistics, participation, promotion and legislation.  The type of project that takes more than a year or two just to set the groundwork for.

Well, about two weeks before the project has it’s “grand launching,” the Catholicos - the head of the Armenian church contacts USAID to say that there is a problem with the project and he will put a stop to it.  Regardless that the social security program will be law, he is against it and will advocate his followers (i.e. 99.99% of all Armenia) to reject participation in this project creating massive social upheval.  The USAID officials are completely baffled by this.  This project was not a secret. For over a year, project implementers sought to inform and receive feedback from various social entities and sources (NGOs, the church, etc.) It took months of labor and promotion to set the program up and NOW, right before the program is about to start, they hit this – a very important – snag.

Obviously, USAID just can’t “scrap” the program; especially at this stage and they scramble to learn more about what is going on and what the problem is and set up a meeting with the Catholicos.  Evidently, from what I understand (and perhaps I am wrong about this) according to the Book of Revelation, it is mentioned that there will be a day when man will be reduced to nothing but a number during the apocalypse (something like this) and the Catholicos claimed that the issuing of Social Security cards was the beginning of the end and being brought on by the US government. 

Now being the cynic I am, the Catholicos’ religious reasoning seemed pretty flimsy in my opinion and I have to question validity of this claim.  First of all providing numbers to individuals has been going on for quite some time – even in Armenia (uh…passports, Soviet identification cards, etc.) and the apocalypse has yet to happen (although it has come close for my children who decided that not doing their chores and sneaking off was a good idea once, but that is a different story).

B)  The timing of this announcement. They knew about this program and why it was being done well in advance.   It was all straight forward and people in the Armenian Church were consulted on the matter long before this.  It was almost as they waited until the last minute when they knew that USAID had no choice in the matter. Hmmmm….

Lastly, so much of the time that the US government gives a country money for a social development program, there is always a rather vocal group that gets uppity about it and alludes or claims that this is some sort of political conspiracy agenda of the US government.  For example, the USDA alone has countless stories of trying to help famers with new practices, techniques and teach business skills only to have the farmers scream bloody murder.  More often than once I’ve heard how the USDA teaches how to grow more tomatoes and reap more profit to have people twist the intentions around with “ah ha! You want us to be enslaved by your government and force us to grow American tomatoes.  NEVER!  We will never bow to that!  OUR tomatoes are delicious – the best in the world!” Perhaps they are, but they are also more expensive than the imported Turkish tomatoes that are grown all year round.  In my opinion, the local farmers who are paranoid about the US government should grow their expensive, paltry tomatoes and stop asking for financial and technical assistance (fertilizers, grow hormones – things that the USDA does not supply farmers with anyway).  Yet I digress….

Going back to the Catholicos and USAID….USAID obviously takes these matters seriously and when there is a complaint or concern from a major and important social entity – such as the State Church and they needed to address it.  So they met with representatives of the Church to work out a deal where any card have “666” in it would be removed (that would be what? 10, maybe 15 cards taken out of how many?  Well worth the delay in monetary terms (*ahem)) After USAID agrees and the “cards of the beast” are removed and the project ceremoniously opens up, cards begin to be issued, and everybody happy…or so we think.

Now I had to tell you that story to tell you this one.  A few weeks later, the US Embassy receives a message from a man in the fine state of Texas.  In his message he writes that he is upset…nay! Outraged! (they say “nay” in Texas, don’t they?) to hear what the American government is doing with American taxpayer money in Armenia and the numbers!

Granted, there are quite a few US funded programs in Armenia.  Yet, this particular message was regarding “the numbers” and so the Embassy official assumed that this had to do with the Social Security card program and the minor setback that occurred as mentioned above.  Intrigued the official reads on.

Evidently, a speaker had come to the gentleman’s church one day and told the congregation how the United States government was using US taxpayer money to fund a project that would implant microchips with “666” printed on it into the back of Armenian’s necks for tracking purposes and how this good ole, God fairin’ Texan cowboy was against it.

*blank stare *

Whoa there little doggie!….where did THIS come from?  What started off as a minor logistical setback based on local fear of the apocalypse being brought down upon them is now and international satanic tracking operation?  This is where the Embassy official wanted to check her inbox murmuring to herself “I must have missed the memo on that….where is it?”

Now, let’s take a minute to raise some questions…

He’s against this?  Really? Well I beg to differ.  Don’t we all fully support any government initiative that would print “666” on microchip tracking devices to be implanted in the back of people’s head – foreign or otherwise?  I mean I do.  I would love to hear his argument against this….What the hell is the Lone Ranger here talking about?  Ok, sure, I can kinda understand the “snowball effect” on an international level, but doesn’t there become a point when people hear stories like this that there is little voice in the head that screams “what? What is this about? This is pure fantasy” and people would not proliferate these rumors in public.  Not only does the US government not have the resources to do this, but – trust me on this - they don’t have the INTREST in doing it as well!  Tracking Armenians in Armenia via microchip and satellite? Why?....just…Why?

While the Embassy courteously wrote back that indeed there was obviously a miscommunication problem at his congregation (duh!), I sincerely hope it started off with “Yo Kemosabe! What color is the sky in your world?…” and continued on that same tone.

So that was a pretty interesting story.  The next day, I pack and return to Tbilisi armed with what I thought a good little topic of conversation to share.  A day or two later after my arrival I’m having dinner with some people who are from Armenian descent.  They are always interested in how things are in Armenia, news, etc. etc. etc.   During the conversation the elderly man of the table looks over and starts to question me

“How was the trip?”

“Very nice – very pleasant”

“Good, good…you know, I’ve heard something that maybe you can clarify for me”

“uh…sure, what is it?”

“I heard something….about the US government implanting microchips with “666” into the back of Armenians necks to track them….”

“Oh my God!  You heard that too!  Isn’t that hysterical” I said with a big, dumb grin on my face, getting ready to tell him the story that I heard while in Yerevan.

He sat there with a serious face “No, no it isn’t.  Why would your government do that to us?”

I almost fell out of my chair in disbelief.  Not only did this mean that this was not a “snowball effect” as I originally thought and was the actual sick rumor coming from Armenia, but this man believing the story too, which means that more and more people globally were listening and believing it as well.  A world gone mad and I sit in the middle of the maelstrom.

“Well…I can’t tell you why” I told him and then in a hushed voice I leaned over and said “but I can tell you that won’t feel a thing.  We should just leave it at that” and patted him on the hand.  “Can you pass the carrots please?”  My logic was this, if someone is going to believe that then there is no way that they are going to believe the truth anyway.

On an endnote, I’ve often thought about calling him up randomly saying

“We know where you are now…and stop doing that”